The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

"I'll show you a trick, and if you think the trick is good enough, you give me a drink on the house." The bartender, having had a pretty boring day, accepts.

The man takes a rat out of his pocket and an equally tiny piano out of his other pocket. He sets the piano on the bar, and the rat jumps up and begins to play "The Entertainer".

The bartender is amazed and happily gives the man a free drink. After finishing, the man makes another bet: "If I show you an even better trick, will you put my entire tab for the night on the house as well?"

The bartender accepts again, thinking that there was no way that the man could produce a better trick. He proceeds to pull a bullfrog out of his pants pocket and sets it down next to the rat. The rat begins to play a different song, and the bullfrog starts to sing along in a crystal clear voice. The bartender is once again amazed, and agrees to pay for the man's drinks for the rest of the night.

An hour later, the man is enjoying his free drinks when a stranger comes up to the man and offers to buy the bullfrog for $100,000. "Sorry, he's not for sale," replies the man. The stranger offers to pay $500,000, and the man reluctantly sells the bullfrog and takes the money. The stranger leaves with glee, and the bartender is furious.

"That frog could've been worth millions of dollars to you, maybe even billions, but you sold it off for a mere five hundred thousand dollars!"

The man smiles and takes a sip of his drink.

"Don't worry, the frog doesn't mean that much to me. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth & a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.



He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the System, getting something for nothing."



The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2015 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply all of your clothes."



"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.



You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.



This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her 20's and has a strong sex drive.



The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me???"



The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it.